Happy New Year and welcome to the first issue from Garden of Insight! It is my hope that through this platform you will have access to mental health content that’s relatable, informative, and sometimes humorous, as we all progress through the ebbs and flows of the human condition.

The timing of this first issue couldn’t be more auspicious. New year, new decade, new venture. New, new, new. A few months ago, when I thought about spending more time providing private therapy, I decided to make a website that delivers mental health and well-being content in an approachable way. That was early last year. Clearly I procrastinated on my goal, but why? So as I sit here, writing for folks I’ve never met but hope to reach, I reflect on new beginnings, the self-doubt that arises from them, and what the latest research suggests to do about it.

“Oh, mirror in the sky, what is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail through the changin’ ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life?”

— Stevie Nicks, Fleetwood Mac

Why oh why can taking a leap and making a change be such a hard thing? Take coming to counselling for the first time. I’ve had many conversations where clients have shared how hard it was to choose a therapist from the masses, let alone make the choice to show up. New beginnings can be tough for everyone, but why is that? Years ago, one of my clinical supervisors shared with me a way of thinking about change. Although not in these exact words, in my mind, it went a little something like this:

There are two mountains, and the one you are on is on fire. You know it’s unhelpful, unproductive, and uncomfortable - heck - you’re on fire! You are not having a good time. Maybe your motivation is low, maybe you’re feeling overwhelmingly sad or anxious. Or maybe you’re stuck in a rut, want a fresh start, but are having a tough time getting started. Across the gaping valley you can fully visualize another, equally staggering mountain. This mountain is different. It is airy, bright, and there is room to breathe. This mountain is healthy and full of growth and peace. Between your mountain of doom and the mountain of your dreams is a rickety old bridge. You’ve been told that others have gone before you, to just “buck up” and take the risk. But for some reason, even the thought of a better place and space can be discouraging and downright terrifying. And then come the thoughts. “What if I try but don’t make it across?” “What kind of person would I be if I were to even get there?” “Will I like that me?” As a result, the mountain of fire and brimstone ends up being a sort of safe-haven, predictable in its danger and chaos.

Of course, there is no real rickety bridge, and you are not attempting to climb every mountain like Julie Andrews in The Sound of Music. But this parable of sorts can be very relatable to what a person might go through when deciding to make a change. The mountain of fire can be anything from continuing to engage in an unhealthy relationship to the perceived inability to change careers. At its best, we call this self-doubt. Self-doubt describes an uncertainty with one’s competence or capacity (Braslow, Guerrettaz, Arkin, & Oleson, 2012). Left unattended, self-doubt can morph into “learned helplessness,'' a psychological term to note a state of the acceptance of immobility, the belief that “this is as good as it’s going to get so why bother trying”, that outcome is not linked to behavioural responses or action. What’s more, several coping strategies that might help relieve feelings of inadequacy or discomfort in the moment, further shackle a person to their mountain of doom, including substance use or procrastination. Coined “self-handicaps”, these behaviours act as obstacles to success, which helps blame the reason for failing on something other that one’s capacity, sparing a person’s self-esteem (Berglas & Jones, 1978; Oleson & Arkin,1994). As a dear client of mine once stated, there’s no problem out there that alcohol can’t make worse. That pesky, fiery, self-perpetuating mountain.

Now what?

“If you hear a voice within you say you cannot paint, then by all means paint and that voice will be silenced.”

— Vincent Willem van Gogh

First off, apprehension to change and the experience of self-doubt is normal! In fact, small doses of self-doubt have shown to increase motivation and have a positive impact on performance (Woodman, Akehurst, Hardy, & Beattie, 2010). Knowing that uncertainty can be expected, it’s important to stay grounded while sitting with these uncomfortable emotions. Practising different forms of mindfulness is a great way to ride the waves of appropriate, although difficult emotions. More on mindfulness soon!

Managing personal expectations and what they mean in relation to the self is also critical. If I expect to be on my paradise mountain tomorrow, it’s not going to happen. I may feel overwhelmed, ill-equipped, and unprepared, which will only increase anxiety and lower motivation. Instead, adopting the mindset of slow and steady wins the race can ease unnecessary pressure, and not make a person feel like they failed before even starting. One of my favourite yoga instructors operates from the belief that a shift of 2 degrees may take you a lot further than trying for a complete 180 degree change. In other words, if you expect to do the splits in one day, you may experience frustration, get hurt, or give up. But showing up consistently with small steps might someday get you there. Perhaps even adopting the seemingly radical idea that you have the capacity to make the complete shift, but that self-worth isn’t tied to whether you get there tomorrow or five years from now.

Latest research also notes the positive impact of mental flexibility on self-doubt, where our ideas about self and the world are less rigid, and more malleable (Zhao, Wichman, & Frishberg, 2019). In therapy, one way we work this mental muscle is through an approach called Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, which has been empirically validated to be effective on self-doubt and low self-esteem (Pack & Condren, 2014; Kolubinski, Frings, Nikcevic, Lawrence, & Spada, 2018). This approach stresses how our thoughts, behaviours, and emotions can impact our experience. Catching unhelpful thought patterns, and instead speaking to yourself in more encouraging language can help fend off some of the difficult emotions that follow those thoughts. This can sound like, “You’ve got this,” “One step at a time,” or anything in between.

Lastly, seek comfort and validation in your community, whether that person is your classmate, coworker, family member, or therapist. The science of attachment suggests that we humans thrive in connection with others, and there’s nothing like the active listening, acceptance, and encouragement of another that can shake some of the self-doubt jitters.

References

Berglas, S., & Jones, E. E. (1978). Drug choice as a self‐handicapping strategy in response to noncontingent success. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 36, 405–417.

Braslow, M. D., Guerrettaz, J., Arkin, R. M., Oleson, K. C. (2012). Self-doubt. Social and personality psychology compass, 6(6), 470-482.

Kolubinski, D. C., Frings, D., Nikcevic, A. V., Lawrence, J. A., & Spada, M. M. (2018). A systematic review and meta-analysis of CBT interventions based on the fennell model of low self-esteem. Psychiatry Research, 267(Complete), 296-305. doi:10.1016/j.psychres.2018.06.025

Oleson, K. C., & Arkin, R. M. (1994). More than ingratiating. Retrospective review of E. E. Jones (1964) Ingratiation. Contemporary psychology, 39, 455–458.

Pack, S., & Condren, E. (2014). An evaluation of group cognitive behaviour therapy for low self-esteem in primary care. The Cognitive Behaviour Therapist, 7, E7. doi:10.1017/S1754470X14000051

Woodman, T., Akehurst, S., Hardy, L., & Beattie, S. (2010). Self-confidence and performance: A little self-doubt helps. Psychology of Sport and Exercise, 11(6), 467–470. DOI:10.1016/j.psychsport.2010.05.009

Zhao, Q., Wichman, A., & Frishberg, E. (2019). Self-doubt effects depend on beliefs about ability: Experimental evidence. The Journal of General Psychology, 146(3), 299-324, DOI: 10.1080/00221309.2019.1585320